luni, 30 iunie 2014

Bun venit.

Probabil ca nu o sa stii niciodata cand ti.ai atins cu adevarat limitele?
Te credeai puternic, dar ai renunat la multe din principiile tale pentru a obtine fericirea mult dorita.
Pacat ca te.ai pierdut intr.o spirala a autoiluzionarii ...
Pacat ca, desi ai simtit gustul hiperbolizant al ambroziei pe buze, era doar o iluzie...
O iluzie care provoca o stare atat de idilica, incat nu ai putut renunta...
Nu ai vrut sa dai drumul unui vis...
Dar traiai intr-unul...
Erai numai tu care vedeai lumea asta...
Atat de departata, dar atat de aproape de toata implinirea dorintelor tale...
Si te.ai lovit de dusul rece al realitatii.

Bun venit.

A.

Promisiuni

Stau intinsa in pat si ma rostogolesc in valuri de amintiri. Afara e vreme frumoasa, poate-i putin cam cald, dar ce sa-i faci, e vara. Vântul răcoros freamăta suspine printre frunzele copacilor, îndemnand la o ieseala in aer liber. Ma incordez si incerc sa ma ridic, dar cad neputincioasă la loc, de fiecare data. In cele din urmă renunţ si ma las purtată de vise dureroase ce ma suflă ca pe o pana între doua lumi. Vad frânturi de imagini, miros de parfum si imi amintesc de promisiunea pe care mi-ai facut-o. Spuneai ca odata cu vara vei veni si tu, un vis trecător, hot de iubire. Spuneai ca trebuie doar sa-ti rostesc numele si vei fi acolo, dar atunci de ce l-ai anulat? Spuneai ca o sa ma sprijini prin viata plina lacrimi amare si dispreţ, dar acum m-ai abandonat singura într-o casa pustie. Mi-ai promis refugiu si împlinire, dar in schimb imi oferi lipsuri mai mari decat la început. Ai dispărut ca ceaţa iar pe mine m-ai lăsat pe pământ. Mi-am promis un lucru in ziua aceea: voi uita de visele cu tine si voi paşi singura in eternitate. K.

duminică, 2 martie 2014

Mister cu ochi albastri

        Chiar si acum cand închid ochii ii pot vedea chipul. In special ochii. Oceane adânci si albastre care m-au privit in treacăt de atâtea ori, si probabil nici nu s-au fixat asupra mea in totalitate. Se spune ca ochii sunt oglinda sufletului, iar eu vad in el o profunzime rara, umbrită de reflexul societăţii moderne. Un dor nestins de afecţiune, ce ma mistuie, si face sa ma simt mai apropiată de el.
 Câteodată, am impresia ca minţile noastre se reunesc si împărtăşesc aceleaşi gânduri. Deşi, este probabil doar imaginaţia mea. As vrea sa il pot observa îndeaproape. Are ceva anume care ma atrage, ma fascinează. Poate avem aceeaşi atracţie spre afecţiune, dorinţa de a iubi si de a fi iubit necondiţionat, de a atinge absolutul.
     
Eu nu stiu ce e iubirea, nu am avut niciodată pe cineva drag, asa ca nu stiu cum ar trebui sa o simt. Ce anume poti numi iubire? Cand poti fi sigur ca iubeşti? Mi-aşi dori sa stiu. In afara de cele câteva sperieturi pe care le-am simtit la întâlnirea cu el, nu stiu nimic. Si, deşi mi-as dori aprig sa il iubesc asa, cred ca această atracţie este doar o curiozitate. Un mister cu ochi albaştri.

 K.

duminică, 26 ianuarie 2014

The story of a stranger.

Once upon a time, in a cold morning, someone was walking on the street. A stranger. Myself.
I was looking at the ground, blinded by my own closed mind, stucked upon my own thoughts, my questionable feeligs and doubted concerns. Lost inside this foggy madness, I happenned to notice a pair of feet, not too far from where I stood.
      I raised my head. My neck was hurting, dragged by the weight of my worldly problems. But I didn't care at that time. Because when I saw him I forgot anything about myself for a couple of seconds.
A young boy. A teenager, just like me. He did not realise I was looking and I was thankful for that. Yet, I continued to bserve him quietly. He was somehow different from the rest. The way his feet were carefuly touching the ground, like he was frightened not to hurt it. The way his slender body was curling up in the air, creating a harmonious sculpture. The way his two bare hands were meeting the cold outside and greeting silently. His fingers, strong yet sensitive - hurt by a strong hit, meaning something was upseting him.
But he looked calm, loving.
He turned his head and our eyes met for the first time. Blue eyes. Deep as an ocean, and still, cold as ice. I saw sadness, despite his gentle smile when he saw me.
I bet he thought I was weird and scary. Examing him and trembling with curiosity about this stranger.
He fascinated me. I wish I could touch his hand, greet him with warmth to make sure he's real. I wish I could freeze that moment in time and stare into his unshared soul. I wanted to heal him through myself, if he was willing to accept me. To share an eternity getting to know him, the one that no one else knows, untained by words of reckless humans. Discover his depth and drown into the misteries of this stranger's oasis.
Not knowing his name, nor the sound of his voice, his native language or family. Just him. Bare spirit and beauty.
       It started snowing. Large, white flakes, melted by my breath, fell, turned into water.
I looked away. He seemed amused, not knowing my thoughts. Then, attracted by his obscure existence, I fixed my eyes into his; shy, but hungry for more.
       The ice melted, my scars opened to be bleeding wounds and he noticed. My pain. My mortal enemy and precious friend.
He made a step toward me. It was so unnatural for me to see him move. Then, he grabbed my hand; I still don't know why.

I opened my eyes. The hostital rom seemed too bright. It was late March. I took a deep breath and saw him fade away. Next to me, an old man turned his head and smiled. "Thank you", he said. He then grabbed my arm, carefuly, with a grace I knew I saw before.
"It is because I wanted to heal you too."

K.

luni, 6 ianuarie 2014